Taking Risks

TAKING RISKS

Last night while I was lying awake, it got me thinking that I have never taken risks in my life before. I have always been too cautious. I have always played it safe out of fear or I thought that was the best way. There is nothing wrong with playing it safe. I mean hey it brought me to where I am today right?

But I have been thinking by playing it safe what opportunities did I miss? Where would have been today? I don’t want to dwell on that too long. I have realized that life is about taking risks regardless how scared you are. Those risks may be your path. At the same time it’s about realizing if those risks are worth it. In life we tend to get worried about tomorrow. We pass opportunities because we think that we won’t be able to afford it tomorrow or what if tomorrow come and it doesn’t work out. Well, God tells us that he takes care of the birds, of the plants, of the grass what makes you think he will not take care of you?

I want to be able to let go of that fear and just strap on my tools and take the risks. I am done with playing it safe and passing on opportunities. It does not hurt to try it, if it doesn’t work out it was worth a try but if it works then hooray!!!!I know God has my back and I will not be worried about tomorrow. So I am taking this journey that I do not know what it holds but I hope it is worth the risk. To new beginnings and to taking risks because that is what life is about. 

LOSING HOPE

This is one of the songs that gives me hope and makes me feel alright. The song is by Group I Crew. Group 1 Crew is a Christian rap group. Few years ago I had the opportunity to see them in concert and they were amazing. I know a lot of times I say a song is my favorite song but hey I have a lot of favorite songs. This song is my hope song, together with MY REDEEMER LIVES but that's another song for another entry.

Life is not smooth sailing. Life is made of ups and downs and its guaranteed. The most important thing is how we deal with it. We all have had issues that never seem to go away, they kept on or keep on happening to us. We  ask ourselves "why us"? It is like a never ending roller coaster. It is a type of roller coaster that always takes you on that scary part were you scream your lungs out, it is never on the fun part. Most of us when we have a lot happening in our lives we tend to lose hope, we blame things on God or others, we do not do anything about the situation we are in, we just wallow in it.

The past year I have been through a lot. I was sick months in a roll and I never saw the ending to the pain and the putting my life on hold. A lot of times I lost hope. I just didn't see getting better because nothing I was doing made me better. Then I realized that I need hope, I need to see the brighter side of the situation and get excited about life. Honestly, I prayed a lot. I have always been a person who prays everyday, every night but this time I put a lot of hope and faith in my prayers. That gave me hope and I noticed differences in my health. I also started being positive because being negative did not make it any better. Having a support system was also a huge help in me getting better.

Being hopeful gives a whole different meaning to a situation or to life. If you are going through anything in your life try to be hopeful or try be positive. Things might not start working out right away but it might help mentally and with our well being.  Eventually things get better. Yes! the saying "There is a light at the end of Tunnel" is true.Try it, it might make a difference.

Always Fall For Your Type

Fall For Your Type talks about how one falls for the same type of person despite knowing how badly it will end. In the song, Jamie Foxx knows that the type of girls that he falls for are not good for him but he keeps falling for the same type. I love this song but I have never really thought about the meaning behind it until a few weeks ago. Have you ever thought about the type of guys that you fall for, whether they are good for you or not?

The other day, my friend and I were looking at guys on one dating site. Every guy that we came across, we would say no to and then move on to the next guy who would we also find problems with. However, if there is a guy that had similarities to an ex or someone we liked before, we would say that he was cute or a potential. So I asked her if she ever thought that the reason why some of these relationships that don't work is because we always fall for the same type of guys that we have been dating. It got me thinking that we ladies need to stop being picky and just go for a different type of guy! We don't have to lower our qualities or scratch everything that we stand for. Instead of looking for a guy who has a master's degree or a Ph.D, try to go for someone who has just a Bachelor's degree. Or if you typically fall for the tough looking guy, try to go for the sweet looking guy, who knows that might be your forever after? A lot of people who are married have stories that start with how they did not like each other in the beginning but they gave each other a chance. Why don't you do the same? Just don't start talking to that guy who hates your guts, that probably won't work! Sometimes you need to step out of your comfort zone to realize that there are better things than the things you are used to. Be adventurous and change your routine! I am one of those people that hates change but I know that somehow I have to accept it and look at it as a new journey.

We ladies have long list of things that we want in a man and some of those things that are on the list are not realistic at all. Some of the things get us in trouble. How many millionaires do you know that would walk up to you and ask you out? Don't you think that sometimes it's better to start from the bottom with that one special guy and get to the top together? I mean I am not opposed to a millionaire walking up to you and asking you on a date, kudos to you if that happens. All I am saying is that we need to be realistic with lists that we make for our dream men. And if the list is not doing us any good and is making us fall for people who are not good for us or who are not for us, then it is best we ditch that list and start a new one, or better yet be spontaneous and don't have a list at all. But remember, not having a list does not mean that you should compromise your morals and standards, it just means you are creating more chances for yourself.

If every guy that you date treats you the same way (badly), then it is time to take out that list and evaluate what you are missing from the list. It may be the type of guys that you are falling for or it might be that those guys are not appreciating you the way they should. However, if the list is working for you, keep it! Just don't fall for the same type of guys that mistreat you. Work on changing the type of guys you fall for.

If You Don't Love Yourself No-one Else Will

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I grew up listening to UNPRETTY by TLC. It was like a national anthem to me. It was a song that got me up when I was feeling some type of way. UNPRETTY is a song about how girls let people tell them who they should be and what they should not be. It's also a song that inspire girls to be whatever they want to be and not let anybody define them. I feel like there is always a war going on when it comes to an ideal girl or woman. Society puts out what an ideal woman should look like or how they should act. In turn, we women we adhere to these so called perfect characteristics without looking at who we want to be. Before they used to be a war between curvy vs skinny. Society told us that skinny was the way to go and women strived to be skinny. We hated our curves and we started going on diets to the point of being anorexic because we were not skinny enough, hence we weren't pretty. In the video we see a girl throwing up because she wants to look like a model. We hate the way we look because somebody else wants us to look a certain way. Some girls have had relationships where they were given ultimatum to either lose weight or break up.  And some were told that if they had bigger boobs they would be a perfect woman. As a woman at one point we go through insecurities thinking no-one else Will love us if we don't do what the person we are dating is suggesting, so we go ahead and do it even though it's not what we want. Do you think if you loved  yourself as a whole, and the way you look, you let someone change the way you look or you?  Recently there has been a war between dark skinned vs light skinned. You see a lot of women wanting to be light skinned because if you are light that means you are beautiful. You hear all these young girls on television saying how they feel ugly because they are dark.  You see people bleaching their skins because they want to be  beautiful. At the same  time, you hear men saying they do not date dark skinned girls they prefer light skinned girls. I have seen a lot of documentaries on this war and it breaks my heart every time I hear this. Dark skinned women are also beautiful my friends. Have you seen how their skin is so smooth and chocolatey (I don't know if that is a word lol)? Why hate that nice dark-skin?To begin with, we are all made different for a reason. We are all beautiful in different ways.  Just imagine if we were all the same in this whole universe. How boring would that be? Our differences make this world an interesting and fun place to live in.  We need to come to terms with our beauty, we need to accept who we are and love ourselves. I have hard my insecurities too, that much I cannot lie. The past few months I have put on some weight and it made me feel insecure. I have had my family and friends tell me how the new weight suits me and how the curves look good on me. I thought it was just a way of them making me feel better. One day I looked myself in the mirror and I fell in-love all over again with  the woman who was in the mirror. I have that love for myself now and it shows to the whole world. I have realized that If I cannot or don't love myself no-one else will fulfill that hole regardless of how much they love me because that is my battle to fight. Ladies let us accept who we are let us not let society give us these wars to fight. Mostly, do not let any man that you date tell you how you should look or how you should dress. What makes you think he will stay with you after he has made you change the real you? Do you think he will still be satisfied with the changes? We all need to be with someone who loves our perfections and imperfections. We are all special and we are different for reason. Dark skinned, Light skinned, curvy, skinny, natural, weave, white, black, we are all beautiful and lets rock it.

The Disappearing Act

One point in our lives most of us ladies have met the unfortunate act called "THE DISAPPEARING ACT" (TDA). "The disappearing act" is when a person who you were interested in out of nowhere stops calling or texting you or even picking up your calls. We all wonder what happened to this person or why this person stopped communicating with us. I am pretty sure there is a virus that is going around that every guy is catching and  they have developed TDA.

Recently I have met few girls who have complained about this TDA. I for one I am victim of this. I met a guy few months ago who was charming and every girl could dream of meeting. He was wonderful and I was awed by his personality. It's not like I meet horrible people but this is a guy who was straight forward with me from the get go. I was skeptical about him, I told a lot of my friends that I was waiting for the shoe to drop. As weeks went by he proved me wrong, he continued to be as sweet and as caring as the first time I met him. Not until few weeks ago all the calls, texts, skype calls stopped. He disappeared like he never existed. I asked myself what happened or if I dreamed about the whole thing. This is not the first time somebody has pulled a TDA on me the difference with this one is that the other ones I could predict or see them coming but this one had no warning.

A lot of times we girls we start wondering what went wrong or why they disappeared. We seek these answers by calling the person repeatedly for an explanation. The thing with people who pull a TDA is that they never come back to explain to you why they disappeared, if they come they will either lie to you or just not explain at all. Do you want that? And what makes you think that they will not disappear again?  By calling these people over and over again is like giving them control of your happiness. You need to be in control of your happiness, don't let anybody take control of that.

When these people come back some of us are guilty of letting them pretend like they were not gone for a month. Remember those questions we had before of why and how then we forget them. Instead of getting answers we entertain this behavior. We tell ourselves that they will never disappear again, it was just one time thing until they disappear again.Maya Angelou said "When someone show you who they are believe them the first time". There is a reason God closed that door for you why open it again? Ladies what are we afraid of? We need to be in control of the situation. We need to tell them that they cannot treat us like that. We don't need to make us feel insecure with their TDA. We are not the problem, they are. They probably did you a favor when they disappeared. They were not man enough to step up and tell you what is going on. We all need someone who can respect us and tell us what is going on. We need someone who is a man enough to be worthy of you and be brave to tell you whether they like you or not.

Ladies we are all beautiful. Your Adam (the right man) won't disappear he will be there with you and for you. And if his a  man enough he will come to you and tell you that its not working. So when one pulls TDA on you let them go, they do not need to have free rent in your head. His not a man his a boy.

LOOKING BACK- HAPPY NEW YEAR

I came across this song by ABBA- Happy New Year when I was looking for a song to feature in the entry before the year is over. The song talks about how two people were excited about the New Year and they find themselves at the end of the night feeling hopeless and their dreams dead. This song is fitting for this entry in so many ways. This is end of the year and we all had a resolution list at the beginning of the year, some of the things that were on the list we accomplished them and some we did not. I know a lot of people will be writing on their statuses #newyearnewme #newyearresolution. (I will be one of the people with those hashtags lol). Before we all do that we need to consider few things.

First of all we need to look back at the year and see what we liked about ourselves and what we can improve on. Most of us we make resolutions based on what we want to accomplish during the coming year not what went wrong the previous year. If you made a resolution to lose 20 pounds this year and that did not happen, look back and see why it did not happen and how you can do things differently. If you want you can write down or take out your list from this year. Look at your list, tick the things you accomplished and contemplate carefully on why some of things on the list were not accomplished. You can go from there to making your New Years Resolution. 

Along the year we lost hope in some of the things that we set to do. One of my resolutions was to find a job or attend a graduate school. As the year went on, I had to defer my attendance to a graduate school for unexplained reasons, I started losing hope. I felt like giving up. We have that one or two things that did not work out and now that the year is over we have lost hope on continuing working on it. The thing is we all still need to work on it; we need to go back and see what we can do differently. You can even ask your friends, relatives, colleagues for help. Losing hope is not the answer to our problems. I have to tell myself this all the time. So maybe we can work on gaining our hope back and being motivated together. May we all have our hopes, our will to try, If we don't we might as well lay down and die (ABBA)

Some of us we will be carrying old baggage along with us to New Year. Baggage can be friends who bring you down, friends who pretend to be your friend or a significant other who does not add any value to your life rather they bring you two levels down. It can be a bad job or bad relationship. This is the time to reevaluate if that baggage is worth keeping and dragging with you into the New Year. Truthfully, most baggage is better left in the past so that you can start afresh. My friend told me yesterday that there are somethings you just need to do it (Let go) because they are not worth of your time or energy. Be the new you that you are hashtagging about. Don’t write status that you are not going to accomplish. Mean it and just do it!!!!

So my good friends have a blessed New Years Eve and HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(If you found a lot of mistakes in the entry, I am sorry I gave my editor the holidays off lol)

TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS

Love and War is one of those catchy songs that once you listen to it, you can never get it out of your head. I have had this song stuck in my head for days and I am weird because the only way I can get it out of my head is by listening to it. It actually works, try it and if it does not work maybe it's not for you. Love and War talks about how a couple goes back and forth in a relationship. They argue and they make up and the cycle continues. I love this song a lot, I can listen to it non-stop (my cousin can attest to this).

One day, one of my friends asked me why I liked such a depressing song. I replied that it's not depressing but that's love and that's how things work in some relationships. Later on, I started thinking more about relationship dynamics. Regardless of me loving this song, relationships should not be that TOXIC. You should not be in a situation where you constantly go back and forth or think you cannot live without the other. When you start thinking that there is nothing better for you out there, you let your significant other start treating you anyway they want and you start making excuses for them. Today it will be she/ he is just stressed out and tomorrow it will be my fault. Mind you, it's not only the guys who are bullies in relationships but we women too can be emotional bullies. Emotional scars are harder to heal than physical scars.

So when you see an unhealthy pattern in your relationship, take a deeper look and ask yourself where is this going and how is this going to turn out. We all deserve to be in a healthy relationship where we are loved and treated well. Arguments should not define a relationship. I am not saying don't argue, go ahead argue but it should not be something that happens every 30 mins or an everyday habit. I am not an expert in relationships but I have seen a few people go through trying relationships and it hurts me to see them go through it. Don't be in a TOXIC RELATIONSHIP, instead work towards a healthy relationship.