LOOKING BACK- HAPPY NEW YEAR

I came across this song by ABBA- Happy New Year when I was looking for a song to feature in the entry before the year is over. The song talks about how two people were excited about the New Year and they find themselves at the end of the night feeling hopeless and their dreams dead. This song is fitting for this entry in so many ways. This is end of the year and we all had a resolution list at the beginning of the year, some of the things that were on the list we accomplished them and some we did not. I know a lot of people will be writing on their statuses #newyearnewme #newyearresolution. (I will be one of the people with those hashtags lol). Before we all do that we need to consider few things.

First of all we need to look back at the year and see what we liked about ourselves and what we can improve on. Most of us we make resolutions based on what we want to accomplish during the coming year not what went wrong the previous year. If you made a resolution to lose 20 pounds this year and that did not happen, look back and see why it did not happen and how you can do things differently. If you want you can write down or take out your list from this year. Look at your list, tick the things you accomplished and contemplate carefully on why some of things on the list were not accomplished. You can go from there to making your New Years Resolution. 

Along the year we lost hope in some of the things that we set to do. One of my resolutions was to find a job or attend a graduate school. As the year went on, I had to defer my attendance to a graduate school for unexplained reasons, I started losing hope. I felt like giving up. We have that one or two things that did not work out and now that the year is over we have lost hope on continuing working on it. The thing is we all still need to work on it; we need to go back and see what we can do differently. You can even ask your friends, relatives, colleagues for help. Losing hope is not the answer to our problems. I have to tell myself this all the time. So maybe we can work on gaining our hope back and being motivated together. May we all have our hopes, our will to try, If we don't we might as well lay down and die (ABBA)

Some of us we will be carrying old baggage along with us to New Year. Baggage can be friends who bring you down, friends who pretend to be your friend or a significant other who does not add any value to your life rather they bring you two levels down. It can be a bad job or bad relationship. This is the time to reevaluate if that baggage is worth keeping and dragging with you into the New Year. Truthfully, most baggage is better left in the past so that you can start afresh. My friend told me yesterday that there are somethings you just need to do it (Let go) because they are not worth of your time or energy. Be the new you that you are hashtagging about. Don’t write status that you are not going to accomplish. Mean it and just do it!!!!

So my good friends have a blessed New Years Eve and HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(If you found a lot of mistakes in the entry, I am sorry I gave my editor the holidays off lol)

TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS

Love and War is one of those catchy songs that once you listen to it, you can never get it out of your head. I have had this song stuck in my head for days and I am weird because the only way I can get it out of my head is by listening to it. It actually works, try it and if it does not work maybe it's not for you. Love and War talks about how a couple goes back and forth in a relationship. They argue and they make up and the cycle continues. I love this song a lot, I can listen to it non-stop (my cousin can attest to this).

One day, one of my friends asked me why I liked such a depressing song. I replied that it's not depressing but that's love and that's how things work in some relationships. Later on, I started thinking more about relationship dynamics. Regardless of me loving this song, relationships should not be that TOXIC. You should not be in a situation where you constantly go back and forth or think you cannot live without the other. When you start thinking that there is nothing better for you out there, you let your significant other start treating you anyway they want and you start making excuses for them. Today it will be she/ he is just stressed out and tomorrow it will be my fault. Mind you, it's not only the guys who are bullies in relationships but we women too can be emotional bullies. Emotional scars are harder to heal than physical scars.

So when you see an unhealthy pattern in your relationship, take a deeper look and ask yourself where is this going and how is this going to turn out. We all deserve to be in a healthy relationship where we are loved and treated well. Arguments should not define a relationship. I am not saying don't argue, go ahead argue but it should not be something that happens every 30 mins or an everyday habit. I am not an expert in relationships but I have seen a few people go through trying relationships and it hurts me to see them go through it. Don't be in a TOXIC RELATIONSHIP, instead work towards a healthy relationship.

WHEN IS THE BEST TIME TO LET GO

WHEN IS THE BEST TIME TO LET GO

I went to see Parachute two weeks ago with my cousin. I must confess that I did not know who they were when my cousin suggested we see them in concert. When I was there, I loved their music and it spoke to me. When I was writing this blog, I did not know what song to use and my cousin suggested HURRICANE by PARACHUTE. The issue of LETTING GO has been bugging me for about a week or so now. HURRICANE talks about how a person is trying to forget and let go of his/her ex but it is just hard to let go because they keep coming in his/her dreams and the things the person is doing. I feel like Parachute is singing to my heart or what I had in mind considering I posted the song after the fact.  From experience, I have always had a hard time knowing when it's the right time to let go after a break up. However, when it comes to giving my friends advice, I jump on the bandwagon that "it's time for you to let go and move on with your life." I guess it's easier for me to know the best time for my friends to let go but it's not easy for me to know the best time for my own situation. I have come to an understanding that I am wrong to tell my friends to "LET GO". 

Relationships are different. A relationship I had with an ex-boyfriend is different from a relationship my friend had with her ex-boyfriend. Keeping that in mind, each relationship you had with each person is different. You cannot have the same type of relationship with all the guys or girls you have dated. I am pretty sure if it was like that some of us would have stopped dating or become nuns by now because some relationships aren't meant to be repeated. You are close to some partners and some partners not so much. You called some of your boyfriends or girlfriends your best-friends while some of them were not your best-friends. Therefore, depending on what kind of relationships you had with your exes, you cannot put a timeframe to when you can LET GO and move on. There are some days you just want to talk to that person because they have been there for you and they know you better than anybody else. You cannot wake up one day and be like "SOMEBODY ELSE KNOWS ME BETTER THAN YOU DO, SO I AM LETTING GO." I mean maybe for some people it can work like that, in that the person who knew you best doesn't know you any more but to somebody else it's different. If you are finding it hard to LET GO of your ex, it is okay, you do not have a psychological disorder.

I am not saying that you should never LET GO. What I am trying to say is that there is no such thing as the best time to LET GO. Each relationship has its course. Therefore letting go has its course too. If you just jump into a relationship a month after breaking up with your boyfriend of two years and your next relationship doesn't work out, maybe it's because you are still stuck in your past and the course of your letting go was not up yet. Give yourself time to let go. It's like grieving; it has its stages in order for you to grieve in a healthy manner and you need to adequately get through all the stages. As a result, go through all the stages of letting go and take heed that your stages of letting go are not the same as your friends' stages of letting go. Your stage might involve you cutting him off and pretending that he doesn't exist in this world while your friend might be friendly with his or her ex. Therefore, take the time that you need to LET GO but do not be stuck on your ex; you have your life to live while he is living his. Take as much time as you need and let the past be the past. Dust yourself off and when you are done, rejoin the rest of the world!! 

HONEYMOON PHASE

I love Lotus Flower Bomb by Wale not because Wale is from D.C nope it is because what he sings in the song reminds me of how I act or how everybody acts at the beginning of a relationship. The most amazing part of the beginning of relationships is not knowing each other. A.k.a the meeting the preventative phase. How does this happen? This is the time people actually make an effort to impress one another.  I know I take my time on what I am going to wear and how I am going to style my hair or whether I should do my nails and what color. Some of the things that I worry about doing  are things that the guy will not even notice but I do them anyways. I want to make an impression. I get impressed when my date compliments me on small things like my perfume or my smile. I make loads of different analogies.

The first one is the timeliness of the guy. How we ladies love when a guy is on time. I lack patience (Still working on it) therefore; I like it when somebody tells me I am going to pick you up at this time and they actually show up at that allocated time. If they are late may be they should be 10 minutes late otherwise your car better be broken down on the high way or you are lying dead in a ditch Please do not show up with a stupid excuse.

However, when the first few months of the honeymoon phase are over it is heartbreaking. That’s when we ladies start wearing sweat pants and head scarves when our boyfriends are coming over to see just to check on us. During HONEYMOON PHASE we would put on makeup even we are just waking up pretending that’s how we wake up.  Secondly guys will start putting little effort in texting, the “good morning babe”  “How was your day sweetie”   “Good night sugar plum” all disappear and you wonder what happened.  I don’t need to feel validated in a relationship but it is good when I feel appreciated. When I still get phone calls in the middle of the day to check how my day is going so far or a good morning and have a good day text.  I mean if you started with a certain habit why stop when you get the girl or why stop when you get the guy?

It might not be reality to keep the HONEYMOON PHASE going but the least we can do is still make an effort for one another. Ladies you can still do some things that you did before to impress your man like watch sports with him without complaining and look like you are actually enjoying not spend the whole time texting or giving your man subtitles. Guys still compliment your ladies on how they look or take them to fancy dinners or do small things like buy her flowers, chocolate or ice cream or better yet DON’T STOP TEXTING or CALLING.